Cognitive conflict

I feel like a tennis ball in an intense final, being whacked back and forth between decisions and choices.

I love teaching children, supporting them to grow and develop in every way possible. I absolutely loved my role as a Teaching Assistant and left it in a passionate pursuit to qualifying and having a classroom of my own one day.

Since then my life has been full of stress and struggles, not from the workload or pressures but from personal and home life. It’s really important to keep home separate from work so I know I need to build up my resilience to stress before setting foot back into a school again.

Just before Christmas I was struggling so much financially and became completely dependant on the money I made from selling clothes and my boyfriend. I am always grateful for the help but there is no greater feeling in the world than enjoying a job role and being paid for it! I miss working full time so much, yet I love studying and having the ‘spare time’ to read more and plan fun activities and lessons.

I thought I had settled on returning to work and studying with part time attendance for a non QTS degree with the idea that this would suit my future personal aims of moving out. However just today having seen lots of posts about people retuning to university tomorrow, I realise I am a bit jealous. There’s nothing stopping me from returning in September except from myself! I feel confused and unsure as when I’ve set my heart on decisions I often change my mind. Crazy after I know how passionate I am about education.

So I have come to a conclusion that returning to work would be me settling for an easier life. University challenges me in so many ways and the role of a teacher will keep me working hard and have an active lifestyle. I’m thinking too far into the future, I need to take it a step at a time. First step now is to redo my teaching placement in April. Next step is to return to University in September!!

Back to work

After a long summer of uneasiness and an unsettled mindset I am happy to have accepted a midday supervisory assistant (posh title for a dinner lady) role at a local special needs primary school.

It’s only part time, 10 hours a week but that’s just right for me at this moment in time. There are so many challenges I will be facing in this job but I hope they will be big achievements for me to look back on.

The challenges:

– getting up and being somewhere everyday
– putting on a positive and confident front to work with colleagues and children
– working with autistic children which I have not done in a non mainstream setting
– working with junior aged children rather than my cute little infant age groups
– earning money again and still resisting to spend it on luxuries and treats

The list could go on but these are the things I want to look back to next summer and hope to see accomplished!

I am glad to see more people speaking about mental health within the education sector and there are tiny steps of improvement for supporting those who are suffering. I am beginning to feel my own experiences one day might shape my career choices and bring out the best in me.

Onwards and upwards starting with a positive mind and a positive step.